Earth Is My Womb

Earth Spiral

Image: Geo Sans

~

fossilized spirals

born without a heartbeat

tomorrow I breathe again

reciting to myself

impermanence is permanence

~

10 years ago

holding our stillborn son

today I count strata layers

curling in the deep core

my suffocating tomb

 

+ + +

 

We discover meaning through experiences. We’re young. We’re old. We keep experiencing, we keep thinking, we keep feeling. We like to lie to ourselves that things will stay the same. Then, we say it’ll get better.

We keep changing. Life keeps changing. Endless spirals and cycles of decay and growth. Struggling to find an equilibrium. We know life is cruel. Searching for a sense of meaning.

Why does the sun set? Why does a flower bloom? We know how … but why? How is everything all connected? Maybe our minds create our unique connections. Maybe there aren’t any …

I think too much. I don’t “do” enough. My muscles and my body aren’t “tired” enough. Sleep continues the questions and searches through my dreams. Familiar becomes unfamiliar and back again. I wake up and I go to sleep and life continues.

I feel tired. I feel sad. I feel lonely. I’m becoming disconnected again … to myself and this life. Grief does this to me. Anniversaries do this to me. I think too much about what could have been instead of what is.

10 years ago, this past weekend, I held my stillborn baby boy. Looking at his beautiful face, I was overwhelmed by sadness, grief, and a stinging sense of joy. I left the room and was physically sick in the hospital bathroom.

You, my son, are not here.

I’m here. I love you. I miss you. I miss what could have been. You touched me with love’s potential — and then shook my soul and thundered my mind.

Today, I honour and remember. My hands are trembling and empty — but I’m still holding you in my pain. And I’m grateful for this presence.

~

Geo Sans

Colour Theory_54

ProvincialFlower

Image: Geo Sans

~

there are two basic

motivating forces:

fear and love

~

when we are afraid

we pull back from life

When we are in love

we open to all that life has to offer

with

passion

excitement

and

acceptance

~

we need

to learn to love ourselves first

in all our glory and

our imperfections

~

if we cannot love ourselves

we cannot fully open to our ability

to love others

or our potential

to create

~

evolution and all hopes

for a better world

rest in the fearlessness and

open-hearted vision of people

who embrace life

~

john lennon

Vibrations

love can be

exchanging signals

intimacy

small moments

~

I’m sorry

I let my wants

desires

override your needs

~

I was too busy

shutting out life’s beauty

focusing

on myself

~

I forgot to stop

soft stillness

opening

absorbing your colours

~

I’m listening now

~

Vibrations_1

Vibrations_2

Vibrations_3

Images: Geo Sans