when we lost
our son
we lost
each other
~
we were shells
empty
hurting
voids
~
different ways
of grieving
disconnected
us
~
our raw pain
forced unrealistic
expectations
upon ourselves
~
feeling
emotionally abandoned
unable to help
heal
~
I’m sorry
I let you down
when you needed
me
~
I’m learning
to forgive
myself
~
we’re educated
to question, wonder
examine critically
~
no longer fearing
hidden truths
behind sacred words
~
I’m learning
to love compassionately
to accept
what I don’t understand
~
wide open
my heart, my eyes
acknowledging
my blindness
~
and that
is okay
~
I’m doubting my way to salvation
~
Image: Geo Sans
I’m naked
before you
hurt
~
I’ve lost my courage
to try
~
show me
how to nurture
your nature
~
show me
how to love
again
~
Image: Geo Sans
is this
the promise ?
~
dark stillness
tight lungs
wheeze, clench
~
appendages, choke
frantically, clawing
suffocating, ripping
drywall, shelving
~
frantically searching
light
~
some say
we’re only measured
by action
~
not intent
or words
~
almost 9 months
something’s not right
~
the heartbeat
stopped —
the baby still needs
to be delivered
~
holding you
I’ve never felt
so helpless
~
we held him
we named him
~
he looked
so beautiful
so perfect
blood started
to seep out his nose
then all over
his face
~
my body froze
my heart screamed
~
ever since you died
I’ve wanted to believe
in a heaven
~
excluded
your secret language
I’ll never know
or understand
~
accepting
capacity
limits
letting go
opening hearts
to trust
~
she talked
I tried to listen
~
she felt
cold
dead inside
~
she asked
how do I love again
~
we grieved
different ways
~
I had no answer
~
my data
my experiences
~
only a small peak
of something expansive
magically inexplicable
~
I’ll never truly know
or understand
~
and that
is okay
~
~
when his mom died
my dad was eight
~
we talked
before he died
he had no memories
of her
~
cells, bones, tissue
are you still repressing ?
~
Geo Sans 