in 2006
my life slipped
downside
downer
~
within 3 months
I held my stillborn son
my dad died of cancer
I was charged with assault
~
grief
guilt
shame
digging my core
scraping regrets
dragging bones
spiralling
new
low
~
admittance
psychiatric ward
~
I’m nobody
I’m everybody
another voiceless number
without earth / geo sans
longing for a role
wishing for a place
longing for belonging
wishing
for
maybe
~
thankfully
my wife and I were committed
to loving
each other
~
carrying boulders
harrowing descending spirals
plowing parellel lines
together
~
love
was our only
guide
~
time
we promised
would never
erode us
~
we withered
we cried
we hid
we lied
~
we’ll
be
okay
~
In 2009
our daughter
was born
~
nine days later
my wife
suffered a heart attack
~
thankfully
she survived
but her / our
healing process
was new / now
again
~
our daughter
protected us
held us together
gave us meaning
strength
~
she was
our guide
our light
~
writing
this past year
I’ve sorted through moments
images
new / old poems
~
I’ll never truly understand
what I’ve gone through
~
and
maybe
that is
okay
~
Geo Sans 
A candid, sincere and visceral piece, perfectly encapsulating the turmoil of grief, and the clarity of love. Sometimes we can’t understand – sometimes, we just have to write, and purge the suffering in cascades of ink. Sometimes we just have to struggle on – wounded, but unbowed, cherishing and embracing each glimmer of light upon our path.
resilience
~
sometimes
all one can do is
buckle up
hold-on
and
persevere
I think that your ending is quite correct … I’m not sure we can ever understand what we’ve been through … especially the “why?” But, it is ok. It’s life. And you’re still here, with a wife, a daughter, and lots of love– which is about as good as it gets.
I’ve enjoyed reading about your journey, your heartbreaks and triumphs… I’m happy that you’re still here, sharing your mind, heart, soul …
I admire your courage, your honesty, and your beautiful words very much. Thanks for letting me share in your healing journey.
Peace, my friend.
thank you john
~
I’ve enjoyed
the support, encouragement
from so many
wordpress friends
If you are writing this now
you have come round the other end…
that sweet equilibrium
when having lost our self
we begin to recognize who we are
by who we have been
continually becoming
in
love
Much affection for you and yours…xxoo
Jana
went through the
ringer
~
and
rang with the
runners
~
finally
finding peace
with my numbers
finding peace
with the other
~
thank you
jana
once we’ve
thrown off
our habitual paths
we think all is lost
~
but it’s only here that
the new
and the good
begins
~
leo tolstoy
Love is the greatest…
absolving
~
absolutely
It takes great strength to acknowledge, accept and move forward in our life experiences. You have done so with honesty and grace. Blessings. Belinda
I’ve learned
from some of the best
on wordpress
~
thank you
belinda
You are always most welcome and friend, I am always an ear if needed. Belinda
This moved me deeply. Words so sincere are powerfully felt. One foot and one day at a time. Peace and love to you and yours.
thank you
for your kind words
~
so much beauty
in every moment
in every day
Shattering events, what comments can one make, your words so sincere and earth shaking, can only leave me to ponder on the beauty that life can be, on the horror that life can be, and wish for you and your family serenity and love.
thank you
for your kind wishes
~
during
happiness
horror
~
there’s comfort in knowing
this too will pass
yes…true.
perspective
~
thankful three’s
every night
our family
identifies moments
of gratitude
~
if one has food in the fridge
clothes in the closet
a bed to sleep
a roof over one’s head
you are richer
than 75% of the world
~
And there is no doubt about that!
good thinking and wisdom!
our lives are pampered
compared to many others.
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You’ve battled and deflected perdition. When you longed for a role, you already had one. *You* are a guide, light, and love. I am warmed you are being deservedly kind… to yourself. Does analyzing or understanding really serve a purpose? Just be. You will always heal because of who (those who care for you believe) you are.
expectations
~
once my
biggest enemy
~
there is a freedom
in letting go
forgiving
learning
from our past
~
we don’t need validation
to be our true selves
Posed rhetorically: Freedom, connections and love. Do we really need more?
Your burdens have been so heavy, I wish you peace, love and happiness.
over time
one’s back, shoulder
strengthen
~
we can be
stronger
than we realize
Your words inspire me, though I have felt/feel such grief, I am hopeful that one day, soon. I too will feel whole, again. Thank you for sharing yourself with us. – M
be gentle
kind
to yourself
~
I’ve learned
grief
takes time
~
take care
Thank you. .
You’ve been through so much Geo!! :neutral: I met a lady yesterday that was in that ‘storm’ of everything happening at once, people getting sick, dying and cracking up, and now she had finally cracked herself. There wasn’t much I could do, other than share my own past hell, and convey understanding of that terrible time, and sometimes that’s all someone needs at that moment, another to reveal this happens to us all at some points in our lives. But it’s alarming just how much can come crashing down on us all at once! But to survive that, at least you know much more about yourself, and how strong you are, and your family too. And poetry, in fact, any kind of writing is not only therapeutic, but reveals so many things that would otherwise be forgotten. :)
mirrors crash
offering
distorted reflections
~
sometimes
insightful
perceptions
Have faith, my friend…everything happens for a reason…
Take care and be well, always~ Cheers!! :D
not sure
of reason
but
they do happen
~
sometimes
learning to cope
is more important
than searching
for
answers
Very true indeed, my friend!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us.
Have a great day ahead, always~ Cheers!! :D
thank you
~
for listening
caring
You’re welcome, my friend!
Have a beautiful day ahead, always~ Cheers!! :D
Thus spiral thee.
swirling flames
of
love
Sounds like you are on solid ground now, Geo Sans, so the name is a bit ironic. I never knew the whole story (I still don’t), but I am inspired by your honesty, your perseverance, your vulnerability, your love, your compassion, your strength, your creativity, your being. Now more than ever, I want to meet you in person someday—maybe at the arranged marriage of our kids. :)
You are a role model for me and men/husbands/fathers in general. Thank you. {{{Hugs]}} kozo
I’m
only
a
simple man
~
inspired
by
others
~
like you
What an amazing life story you have expressed here. Thank you.
only
a
snippet
~
best is yet
to come …
Wow, and oh my gosh.
Well done you for crawling back to a good place. I know, I do know it takes strength and grit.
A stillborn child would be so so hard to come to terms with. I really can’t imagine it. I wish you the best.
perseverance
~
lot’s of love
gratitude
helps
Thank you for sharing. Healing hugs friend.
It has been some time since you have posted an entry. Are you okay friend?
doing very well
thank you
for checking on me
~
my little brother
was recently married
amazing moments
with family
~
I’ve read 3 great books
the little prince (de saint-exupéry)
the sentimentalists (skibsrud)
love, dishonor, marry, die, cherish, perish (rakoff)
~
also been
editing
my poems
http://wp.me/p31H7s-Dx
This sounds a very happy place to be in your life; the perfect place to be. I’m happy to hear of your families joy and the time you have given yourself to read. Blessings
I am not able to get online much lately, because of similar events to what you have described above. My daughter has been my saving grace and kept me afloat… Life can be harsh at times, but then I try to remember all the Blessings I have also been given. Glad you sound happy now! Love your work, when I’m able to have time to read! Blessings ~
:D
thank you
~
take care
and
be gentle
to yourself
~
you’re worth it
Thanks :D, you too!
Oh my Gosh! That was heart rending. An epilogue of life it seemed at first, and then a message of hope and relief. Your words made me jump and start as I danced down the page. The format only added to the vibrancy of your words, and seemed to add dramatic tension.
thank you ink jester
~
I enjoyed reading
your blog
at first glance
~
I’m excited about reading
your work
Likewise, good sir! Likewise!
I am so glad that you both survived such a deep and painful valley. Your writing, too, is deep and profound.
Blessings ~ Wendy
surviving
~
breathing out
pain
breathing out
love
Reblogged this on Wildersoul and commented:
Sometimes life is all too much, too fast.
the river is deep
~
the current is fast
Moving, heartachingly brave and moving.
no man ever steps in the same river twice
for it’s not the same river
and he’s not the same man
~
heraclitus
We continue to learn if we continue to listen.
So much hard-won humility and strength here….
lessons in perseverance
~
caring for myself
caring for others
caring for my place
This piece is so honest and brave and it’s lesson so vital.
thank you
~
we’re all stronger
than we think
Heartfelt poem.Hope tomorrows be smiles.
still
~
smiling
Thank you for sharing part of you and your experiences. I feel you’ve moved forward if you can write beautifully about all you’ve been through. Love does conquer and may you and your family continue to heal with love’s guiding light…this post truly tugged at my heart..
thank you
~
love and light
continues to guide
L O V E
magnificent
you
strong
wife
beautiful
daughter
twirling
unforgettably
spinning
from pain
life
lives
L O V E
L O V E
~
C U B E D
Milestones…
kindergarten revisited
happy first day of school !
swirl
~
inhaling
exhaling
blossoming
spaciousness
my friend, this is one of the most amazing things I have read in a long long time. how honest, and heartbreaking. you are amazing! keep telling these stories, not only do you heal, but others heal as well
this is simply the best !!
let me try
heal
hope
beauty
from
pain….
keep going my friend
always
~
moving …
glennon doyle melton
~
lessons from
the mental hospital
~
It’s been nearly a year since you first posted this … and it is still a powerful piece.
I think the only important thing to understand is that you’re still here, maybe with a few more scars … but, you’re here; and you’ve got a beautiful family, and they love you. “Understanding” is just a reason to live in the past … and, while there’s no reason to forget the past … the present and the future are where you need to be.
I’m honored to have been along on your journey. Your words have touched me in more ways than you know.
marking
anniversaries
~
appreciating
milestones and support
from friends
and family
i love this piece, real life poetry, i find in my own poetry to write similarly….
Thanks for sharing.
thank you
~
for your kindness
and your connection
how very brave of you
love
love
gives me courage
~
thank you
My husband says life is like a Pez dispenser filled with problems. As one problem spits out the next one loads in the empty space. I believe there is a Pez dispenser for solutions too. We make a good team. I’m glad you have someone to help you through. Oh, and by the way – thanks for the insightful poem.
thank you
I like your husband’s analogy
~
mmm
if only problems
were sugary sweet ;-P
and solutions :)
solutions
are always sweet ;-P
I’ll give that one to you
for now ;-P
pez should never
be bitter
Thank you for sharing, all the best! X
thank you
~
for connecting
reading
and
commenting
Your words are your tears….flowing into poetry. Wishing you peace and love.
over time I’m learning
gently floating
in each moment
~
through love
we’re finding internal peace
Resilience ..love , courage and strength. Goodness. ❤️
Yes
with love
we all become
I read this again and still tear up, Geo. What you’ve been through no one should have to experience but I’m still so grateful that you and your wife let love be the glue to keep you together with your daughter. Sometimes, the answer just never surfaces but moving forward is the only and best direction. Your life experiences turn into beautiful poetry. Thanks again for sharing…♥
my wife is currently
undergoing EMDR therapy
and it is helping her
~
her amygdala
was swollen from trauma
fight and flight triggering
excessive fear and anxiety
~
we’re working
towards
floating where we are
being
in peace
Thanks for sharing, Geo, and I will keep you both in my positive thoughts and I send many healing hugs your way, too…
Touched to the core by your words and openness. Peace to your family.
firm roots
~
gripped
in
love